Leah Williamson on recovery, wisdom and the future

Every home game, one of our women's first-team shares their insight into life at Arsenal in our matchday programme. This time, it's Leah Williamson.

Leah's back and she wants to be better than ever. She's also older and wiser and has learned a lot about herself.

It’s a dream to be back on the pitch playing the sport I love again. I’m pretty in touch with my emotions on a daily basis, but it is good to go through a situation that reminds me how grateful I am to be in the position I’m in and how lucky I am to have the job that I do. Being a professional footballer means so much to me.

It’s also a special privilege to play for Arsenal. I’m always quite raw and open and honest about how it feels to play as a lifelong Gooner, and I always give that the respect that it deserves. Arsenal is such an important part of my life, but when I was on the sidelines for so long it really hit home that I’m a player, as well as a fan. I want to be involved on the pitch, and I want to try to help as much as I can.

Of course, It has been challenging to not launch into 90 minutes of game time straight away. As always I’m desperate to play as much football as possible, but I’m also sensible enough to recognise that a gradual approach exists for a reason! With injuries I’ve had in the past, I’ve always just dived in. I’ve never been stupid but I’ve also never raised any concerns that I might have had. This time just isn’t the time to do that. 

Maybe I’m just a little older and wiser now but I can recognise that short-term frustration has huge long-term benefits for the longevity of my career. However many days, weeks, months... I’m willing to wait for what’s best, while also getting the absolute maximum out of my performances to help the team.

Returning to the pitch means I get to be the team DJ again too. As soon as I walked into the dressing room at Reading, Katie said, “I’m done with this,” and handed me the aux cable. I don’t think she enjoyed the feedback and pressure of choosing the music that much... I’ve been doing it ever since but, having been away from the changing room for a while, I’m still trying to feel out the vibe. There are some new faces in there, so I’m not sure what they want to hear! 

Sometimes there will be certain tracks I put on and look at someone for a response because it’s specifically for them. Any Fleetwood Mac always gets me a little nod of approval from Steph! But it’s generally a different vibe every week. Songs will come and go, and our squad all like different styles, so I just try to play something so everyone stays in a good mood.

You never know what you can bring on a matchday. Every game you walk out to the unknown, because you don’t know how the day is going to go for you or the team. When you’re on the sidelines that’s even harder, because all you can do is watch and there’s nothing you can offer on the pitch. Now, when I see teammates who have had such tough schedules with a lot of games, I can be a fresh pair of legs for them and inject a little bit of energy. That feels really good. I can support them now because of how they supported me during my rehab.

I wouldn’t have got through the first couple of weeks without Lia Walti. She moved in with me and she literally made sure that I could still function on one leg. I’ll forever be grateful for her during that period. Along with Kim, they’re two of the people that I’ve been closest to over the last couple of years. But really there are too many to mention. 

I think the relationships that I’ve built with my team after this experience are ten times stronger than they were at the start because it’s OK to be vulnerable and let people know that you need them. It’s also nice for them to want to be there for you as well.

I’ve gone through my whole rehab process with Laura, as we’re literally just one week apart. She’s had my back and I’ve had hers. That’s why I admire her so much because, now we've been through it together, I've seen every facet of her. I know who she is and what she's about as a person and as an athlete. Being here at Arsenal, I know how to help her and I know she'd want to do the same for me. When you have that level of connection across so many people in the squad, it's hard to beat.

It still amazes me how strong our team’s bond was last year and what came out of the adversity. We maybe didn't need each other as much before as we did last year, but that connection was always there. I think this season, it's been more a case of focusing on bringing our game to the next level. That can present hiccups along the way in performances, which is annoying because obviously, we want it to be plain sailing the whole time, but the environment and the bonds that we created last year are still there and still strong. That doesn't go away overnight and I hope it never fades, to be honest. 

I still don’t feel like Jen has properly gone yet. She’s still been around and sorting stuff out before she moves, so we’ve hung onto her for a little longer. But to lose Jen is hard…no way around it. Without her, I'm not sure what my experience of the last nine months would have been like. Even before that, the person that she is means she makes my day better. She makes my life better. 

To not have her around every day is so sad but I could not be happier for her. If anybody is deserving of an opportunity like this, it’s Jen Beattie. It's her bravery to just go after what she wants with a new experience. And I'm just happy I've got a friend in Cali now!

It’ll be perfect to give Jen the send-off she deserves in front of a sold-out Emirates Stadium with all of our fans. We have so many conversations as a team about where we want to be in the future, how we want to progress with the club, on and off the pitch. Together, we make sure our supporters are at the forefront of every decision that we make. Because ultimately, they are the very reason that football exists. 

Everywhere we go, they are incredible. It’s easy to say that every game feels like a home game but when you actually think about that and what it means and the dedication it shows, it’s such a privilege. I thought they were superb against West Ham. I thought they were incredible again against Man City and I loved it. I've never really been one for fan engagement but at the start of the second half against City, I was really buying into that noise and the intensity. 

I think you saw the reaction on the pitch as well, how that spurred us on. To sell out the Emirates again will just cement the fact that our fans really are the best in the league by a mile. 

When we build a fanbase like this over the years, I hope it grows across the country. When you see bigger crowds everywhere, you won’t just have to pick from a few teams in the top leagues. It’ll be available almost everywhere you look. That comes from more young girls picking up a football and sticking with it throughout the years. When more girls play the sport, the competition grows and the clubs grow. 

If you look at the standard across the WSL now and how much that has grown in a short space of time, I reckon you’ll see that depth across two or three leagues in the future. Massive stadiums selling out week in, week out. Why not? Look at what's happened in the last two years. In 10 years, to even try and predict what it would be like, is almost impossible. 

Leah's blog, as well as a host of other fantastic content, was featured in the Arsenal v Manchester United programme. You can pick up a copy online now. 

You can also subscribe to Arsenal Women's matchday programme to get every issue this season delivered straight to your door each matchday.