Miedema discusses her return from injury

Vivianne Miedema is back on the pitch after a lengthy spell on the sidelines with an ACL injury.

To learn more about her journey to recovery, alongside Beth Mead, watch the first episode of our Step by Step documentary below, while she recent wrote a recent article in the official matchday programme discussing her route back:

The last few weeks have been pretty emotional for me! I’ve had a lot of comebacks recently, both at Arsenal and with the national team, and the reception and love I’ve received from all of you has been absolutely incredible. Like nothing I’ve ever felt before.

It all started with Bristol City away, which was special because that was my very first time back on the pitch and that meant a lot to me because it wasn’t just the Arsenal fans clapping, it was the Bristol fans too. Then going away to the national team, they had spoken with Arsenal beforehand about what’s best for me and what’s smartest long term, and thankfully they made the decision that I could come on against Scotland. That was a pretty big week for me. I mean, our fans are obviously the best anyway, but every time I touched the ball in that Bristol City game people were just shouting my name and cheering for me, so that was pretty special.

I’m normally not someone who cares too much about getting attention or people making a fuss over me, but I think after everything I’ve been through with this injury I really needed it just to give me a little boost and some extra confidence. Not just from the fans, but from my teammates too. When everything is pretty much normal, you expect to score goals, you expect to play and you expect people to celebrate those moments, but after having that taken away from you for so long it was really special to be out there again, to hear that noise and feel those emotions. As much as I always say that I don’t need that attention, I did need it this time, so thank you.

It’s all still quite strange for me at the moment, though, because although I’m back in and able to play again, I don’t feel like I’m fully back yet. Right now, playing 90 minutes feels like a long way away for me, but I know it’s close and I just need to trust the process. I’m part of the team again and part of matchday again, but I’m also the one who needs to build up minutes and do gym work straight after coming off the pitch.

Before coming back into training again I was a little worried about whether the injury would impact my ability on the ball and whether my mind would need some time to catch up, but the only real issue for me has been my lungs! At least that’s what it feels like. I’ve been really surprised and happy with how my body has been able to execute skills and certain actions again – the only difficulty has been maintaining those standards later in a training session when my body starts getting tired. Training is tough but it’s not the same as a match, and after 30 minutes your body is like, “Oh yeah, I remember, this is what it feels like!” I’m getting there slowly but surely. That’s something I need to build up over time and I’m not going to rush myself now.

What have I missed most about being on the pitch? I think it’s the adrenaline of playing football. Over the past year things have been quite calm in that sense because when you play football you experience the highest of highs and some very low lows, but if you’re not on the pitch you just don’t experience them in the same way. So, in that sense, I think my life has been quite flat. I’ve just really missed being part of something bigger and being part of the team. 

Although I can still go to matchdays with the team, a big part of the excitement went away for me because my mindset had completely changed and I couldn’t directly help the team. Coming back into it now, it’s difficult to go from nothing to suddenly being involved in three games a week because all your excitement and nerves come rushing back together at once. It’s a lot to deal with!

"Being out of the team has allowed me to build up my team-mates"

Another thing I’ve missed about playing football is solving problems, whether it’s in training or games. I know I can hit a ball and play the final pass, but I always like the challenge of fixing play when something isn’t quite right. I’ve done that from the sidelines over the past ten months, but I’ve really missed doing it on the pitch. It gives me so much satisfaction to solve problems on the pitch because it’s one of the hardest things to do. It keeps my brain ticking over.

I’ve always been someone who loves to get involved with the tactical side of the game and talk about these things with the girls. I feel like they can come to me and ask questions, and I’m not saying I’m definitely always right (to be fair, I am most of the time!), but I think that’s really helped me get through the last few months because I always felt like although I wasn’t on the pitch I was still able to help the team. Sometimes that was in the build-up to a game, sometimes it was at half-time and sometimes it was after the game. It has really helped me and I’d like to think that it has helped the girls too.

I speak to all of our attacking players a lot. Stina and I have some really valuable and open conversations and I always tell her she needs to be confident in certain actions because she has all the tools to cause any defence in the world problems. I’ve had some great conversations with Vic and Ke about their own development too. 

Being out of the team and not competing for a starting spot has really allowed me to take a step back, take a look at things and try to build up my teammates in any way possible. That’s something I’ve always tried to do anyway, but I think I’ve been able to do it more effectively when I don’t have the pressure of fighting for my own place in the team at the same time.

Having a bit of time to step away from the sport has really helped me in other areas of my life, which has been nice. It has given me an opportunity to see issues in the game from the outside when I’m not as directly involved with everything. I think that has given me a new perspective that, if I do want to stay within the game after playing, there are certain things that we need to focus on and improve. These are things I shouldn’t be getting bothered and worked up by when I’m playing, and I should just be focused on myself, staying fit and helping the team as much as possible.

I know some people might already be demanding certain things from me now that I’m building up more minutes, but one thing I’ve always been quite good at throughout my career is not worrying about what outsiders think or expect of me. The biggest issue I’ve always had to battle is matching my own expectations, and I’ve always said that the moment I don’t see things anymore or I can’t do the things I want to do anymore, then it’s time for me to retire. 

But obviously, right now, after coming back from such a big injury, I need to give myself a good bit of time to get back to the level that I was at before, both physically and mentally on the pitch. I don’t feel pressure from others to do that, but I do feel it from myself to get back as quick as possible. Thankfully I’ve got some really special people in my life telling me I need to be a little nicer on myself, so that has been helpful, and I really do appreciate their words because I know they’re right. I’m just my own biggest critic and that voice can get quite loud sometimes.

Mental health has always been something I’ve tried to talk about openly – at least from the moment I was comfortable enough to do so. I’ve been trying to speak about it and open up on social media with others because – not just in football, but in society in general – it’s something that historically gets swept under the carpet and a lot of people feel they can’t speak to someone about it because they’re worried about being judged or not being taken seriously.

I’ve been with Common Goal for a couple of years now and from the moment we started talking about their Create the Space initiative, I really wanted to try to help because it’s something that’s close to my heart. I hope that by bringing it out like that, with other players also involved, it’s going to create less of a stigma around talking about mental health so that the younger generation – and even the current one as well – can try to open up more. It will take time, but at least it’s a start.

When I made a recent post on Instagram about mental health I was expecting people to comment on it, but I didn’t I expect the reaction to be so big and shared so much. Honestly, it’s not easy for me to speak about these things either because it’s something I’ll probably struggle with for the rest of my life. But at the very least I know that, with my status and who I am, I can use my platform to inspire a couple of kids or adults to take care of themselves and do the right thing, which I will always try to do.

Obviously, I needed a few years to work out what I was comfortable with sharing online, and more recently when I posted about Create the Space I showed Beth my post and what I was going to share, and she asked me if I was 100 per cent sure about it. I said, “Well, I don’t know, ask me again tomorrow, but right now it feels like the right thing to do.” 

All I can do is be honest about what I’ve experienced and show people that everyone is more than capable of dealing with any challenge in their life and being successful with it – especially when you open up and talk to someone else. I hope I can set that example.